People always say "it gets better" but no one ever tells you how or when

Well, Christmas finally happened and although it was different in so many ways this year, I guess it wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be.

It sucked without Grams though. 

For the first time, my siblings and I opened our presents right after midnight. Long gone are the days where we used to wake each other up on Christmas morning while tripping over ourselves trying to be the first one to hand Grams her present.

This year it was just Church, and then brunch at Hyatt.

It was okay I guess, except the part where Mom started crying quietly on the way to Church. I don't know whether it was due to the fact that my older sister was being a pain in the ass or because she was quietly reminiscing about Grams in her head. I guess both, but dang my sister for contributing to her tears...

The boogie and I did our best to cheer her up, but to no avail. Her tears just kept coming. In the end, we ended up not saying much. She needed it, I guess. Pent up emotions. It was pretty awkward.

Maybe next year things would be different. Less tears I hope.

On the flip side, I love all my gifts...

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- People always say "it gets better" but no one ever tells you how or when. You spend endless nights thinking about that "better", believing it will never come. But it does, and the reason no one ever tells you how or when, is because nobody really notices it happening. One day you're going to be lying in bed and you're going to realize you're actually happy. And you'll try to think back on when that sadness started to lift and the happiness crept in, but you won't be able to remember. Because the happiness came piece by piece like a puzzle, never showing the full image until it was complete. Suddenly, everything's gotten better, even if a part of you knows it wasn't sudden at all. But until you find that "better", remember that feelings of loneliness and sadness doesn't last forever. Someday might not feel like soon enough, but it's closer than you think. And it's worth every second you spent waiting.