Woke up and wished that I was dead, with an aching in my head, I lay motionless in bed... I thought of you and where you'd gone, and let the world spin madly on

So yeah, 7 days to Christmas and I’m still not feeling the vibe yet. Waddup? 

I'm ashamed to admit that I've been feeling pretty lonely these nights. Been waking up on the couch almost every day now, I swear that thing is more of a bed than my actual bed would ever be.

No one has mentioned about the tree not being put up yet. I guess without grams around, no one really bothers to make the effort. It kinda sucks. 

To be honest, my favourite part of Christmas was waking up early and giving grams her present & seeing how happy she looked. I miss her so much. The day she left us seems so surreal to me now. In a way, I haven’t been thinking much about her recent death because it hurts too much… but this whole house is a constant reminder of her. 

I miss having coffee with her, or how she used to check up on me in the wee hours just to be sure I was getting the sleep I needed. Now, I am back to being the insomniac I was.

Passed her room that day and just stood there, staring at all her stuff… and crying like stooopid. 

Like wtf, where did all that emotion come from?

I feel like at this point in my life, I have everything going for me. So why do I still feel empty inside…

It’s 12:00 AM, and I'm still unable to sleep. It's like my brain is on overdrive. I just need it to stop thinking for once. 

I just really need a decent sleep.