Our scars remind us that the past is real

Dear blog, 

So it’s been a while since I posted anything. I’ve been quite busy with life, and whatnot. To be honest, ever since the break-up I’ve been trying to occupy my time with work, friends and family but mostly with work. I thought I’d never say this, but work is the only thing that seems to make any sense in my life right now… which isn’t much I can say about my love life.

Basically, being single sucks. I’m not going to elaborate much on the sucky part because it just makes me feel like a loser. On the flip side, I get to have my own space and do whatever I want, without worrying about hurting another human being’s feelings. For example, I get to go home and crash whenever I want or hang out with mates without having to list down everyone’s name to my significant other. 

Recently, I’ve downloaded a few apps on my tab… ‘SayHi’ and ‘Skout’, to name a few. I’m not proud of myself. This has got to be the lowest moment in my life to be seeking something new… someone new… just to break the cycle of depression I was experiencing. In a way, it worked. Bonded with a few people who are currently still in my list of contacts. There were also a lot of perverts, to say the least.

Needless to say, I have deleted these apps yesterday because they were taking way too much space and eating up my battery life span.

Anyway, someone recently told me that every time he opened up to me, I push him further away with my walls. The truth is, I knew I was being overly rigid, but it still hurt when it was said bluntly to my face. I’m not perfect. My heart is broken, not just from the current break-up, but I guess from all the previous ones that just confirmed that guys are jerks. 

Hey, I know okay? Not all guys are the same, but just let me have my moment of silence to hate the other species for a while.   

I don’t know how long it’s going to take for me to heal… I feel lost, and I don’t know my way, but I’ll be there soon.

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- People think that the most painful thing in life is losing the one you value. The truth is, the most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of valuing someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.